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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.
Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?
A plane crash that changed everything.
Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
Tape 15 - “Running from Dinosaurs, Falling Downstairs”
We open on what might be a radio answering machine and Hat Guy is mid-panic, convinced he’s being hunted by dinosaurs (real? metaphorical? unclear), and then the message cuts off like someone pulled the plug.
The tape picks up later with our weary interviewer attempting a Bootstuck-style lightning round, which is to say: rapid-fire nonsense in hopes of coaxing coherence out of chaos. Spoiler: it doesn’t work. We do, however, learn that Bootstuckians classify champagne as a fruit. There is no follow-up.
As the conversation pivots to hot potatoes (literal, not political), Hat Guy hurls a sheep down a flight of stairs. This is treated as routine. Then we discuss housing: Bootstuck architecture includes popsicle-stick mansions, maybe a couch fort or two, and a surprising lack of zoning laws. Eventually, the interviewer gives up—again—leaving Hat Guy to blow up his stove.
www.bootstuck.com
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SPEAKER_01:okay. That's okay. You're not there. I just needed to click and call you and tell you about the dinosaurs. Oh, my God.
SPEAKER_00:They're everywhere.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, not over there, though. There's one clearing where there's no dinosaurs. I'm going to run over there. I got to run over there real
SPEAKER_00:quick. You
SPEAKER_01:know, I noticed. Evolution's come a long way, because look at us now. Our nails are much shorter. Think about that. All right, time to go. I've got to say... I'm going to ask you a few questions. But I have to warn you a little bit because some people say I talk a little bit slow. So I don't want you to get all, you know, antsy-pantsy when I'm trying to answer your question. Well, if I can get through an entire question without being interrupted, it'll be a remarkable thing. Yeah, if I can do it. Okay. Go for it. Okay, then. Go ahead. I'm here. Yeah, listen to me. Go ahead. Go for it. Yeah. Oh, my God. If I can do it. Well, of course. What's happening? What's your favorite sandwich? I like a samosa on French toast. What kind of fruit can you get in Bootstuck? You like grapes? You might want to bring those yourself. Oranges are not available most days. And on Sundays, we've got champagne. That's not a fruit. You have a hospital in Bootstuck, or if there's a doctor. We've got both of them. We've got a doctor. What was the first one? The hospital. Oh, no. We had a hot potato. Hot potato. We play a game called hot potato. You ever know that one? You get a potato, and you put it in a fireplace, and you throw it. Oh! There's a hot potato for about an hour. Which is probably why you would need a doctor. What's your next one? Hey, hold on. I just got to do this over here and put this down because it's getting real heavy. Go ahead. Does anybody own... Does anybody own a car in Bootstuff? Dave's got a car. Caleb got a car last week, and I have two, but we got them up on the blocks. Well, Dave's just got a door, but he made the rest out of cardboard, and it looked pretty good. He painted it last week, but it rained, so it's a bit soggy. It looks like a coupe.
UNKNOWN:Nice.
SPEAKER_01:Do you have good roads up there? Yeah. I don't know what else you'd need a road for, so that's kind of a funny question. What kind of houses do you have in Bootstuck? I mean, what are they made of? They're made of ticky-tacky because they just stick right together like that. Dave went out and bought me a whole box of popsicles, and we said, Caleb, come suck these for me. I see. So he came down and did that, and then we had a whole bunch of sticks, and we made ourselves a picture frame. A lot of people think I was going to make a house out of the popsicle sticks, but Caleb don't like cherry. That's an amazing thing. Caleb wants to build a shed because he's tired of sleeping outside. So that might happen, too, also. Yep. Sometimes Caleb will shine up the dog pennies and make them pretty pennies so they're worth more. Well, of course. That's all right a bit. I mean, you've answered all the questions correctly, I guess. Oh, do I win a prize? I'd like to win a big fat teddy bear from a fair. Teddy bear from a fair. That's what I'd like to do. Never could win one. Asked me to shoot out a star. Shot the guy in the eye. Asked me to pull up this thing and hit the hammer and make the thing go ding, ding, ding, ding. Could only get only to five. So that's okay. They said, stand up the Coke bottle. I said, that's pretty easy. So I dropped it down, dropped it down, dropped it down. They took all my money. Didn't get a big fat teddy bear from the fair. Like to get one. You must have had an incredibly weird childhood. Well, it was December 3rd. Oh my God. And it was a rainy Tuesday and I was coming barreling through into the world, whether mama likes it or not. Well, we have to stop now. I gotta go because I got something on the stove. Hey, Gerald.
