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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.
Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?
A plane crash that changed everything.
Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
Tape 16 - Disposable Thumbs and a Creamy Joe
Recovered in less-than-ideal condition, Tape 16 is a chaotic casserole of overlapping conversations, occasional military interference, and enough Bootstuck-brand nonsense to fog a lens. The first segment features Hat Guy wrestling with the existential crisis of which light belongs at which end of a vehicle—head or tail—while rhapsodizing about the convenience of disposable thumbs. Meanwhile, Dave enjoys what he describes as a “lower-half bath,” and somehow that’s not the weirdest part.
An abrupt edit later, we’re thrown into a caffeinated retelling of how Bootstuck’s signature morning beverage, “Joe,” came to be. The term “creamy Joe” is uttered, but mercifully left unexplored. Probably for the best.
Nothing runs. Nothing makes sense. But the tape sure smells like coffee and WD-40.
www.bootstuck.com
Oh, hang on. I gotta kill this call here. Hang
Speaker 00:on. Oh,
Speaker 00:okay. There you go.
Speaker 00:Sorry. You called me in the middle. I was giving myself a little half
Speaker 00:bath. I want to tell you about the real reason that you called
Speaker 00:me. Yeah.
Speaker 00:What?
Speaker 00:What? Hey. Hang on.
Speaker 00:What was it I was calling you about?
Speaker 00:I'm not sure, but a lower half bath sounds pleasing.
Speaker 00:I'm doing the upper half.
Speaker 00:Are you using a sponge or a scrubby from the sink? Because that would make all the difference. Oh, I use a barrel.
Speaker 00:Oh, no, I don't mean to sit in. I mean to rub yourself with. What do you like to rub yourself with? Oh, oregano.
Speaker 00:I believe it's actually pronounced oregano. That's where they had the Olympics back in the day. Yep, it is. True as a fact as a fiddle. I'd like to talk all about the Olympics. Let me go.
Speaker 00:What was it you were calling about?
Speaker 00:Yeah, I just wanted to know if you had time for a yap.
Speaker 00:A yap? Y
Speaker 00:Yep.
Speaker 00:Yep.
Speaker 00:Yep.
Speaker 00:Yep.
Speaker 00:Yep.
Speaker 00:Yep.
Speaker 00:What happened now?
Speaker 00:Well, where you at?
Speaker 00:I'm over there.
Speaker 00:I'll be about eight hours and I'll be right to you. I'm leaving now. Put on my shoes. All right. Make sure you put them on the right feet or you'll go in circles. My feet are on backwards. Hang on now. You hear about James Pigeon? Brand new. got it yesterday. He already plucked them twice. Grows fast. Now what's he doing with the pigeon? Well, I think he's trying to train it to do all sorts of other things. I know they can take messages. Oh, they can? Well, then we can get rid of the answering machine. What else can the pigeon do? It doesn't get rid of messages that way. It can carry them in its feet. You write a note on a small piece of paper and you put it in their feet there and then they fly it over to the person that's intending to. I find that very hard to believe. Pigeons do not have disposal Yeah, no, they don't need a thumb. They have feet that can... You've seen a pigeon sitting on a twig. I saw a picture sitting on a pigeon sitting on a curb. Saw a man selling a picture of a pigeon sitting on a curb downtown two weeks ago. Hey, you know what I didn't go undone notice? Everybody going in the same direction as me has got red lights, so I gotta look and put my red lights on. But everybody coming the other way has got white lights. So I'm hoping, just hoping, that I'm driving in the right lane. Not too sure. The front part of the car. has the headlights. Front lights and back lights, I got them both, but I don't know which color's on, so there's no indicator. Inside, the light's green, and that's confusing. Well, that don't make no sense. This is my second time in the truck. Dave picked it up on the side of the road. You found it? Dave found it. You found a truck on the side of the road? Dave did, yep. And it ran? Dave ran home, got a couple spools, brought it over, and pushed the truck home. Goes quite good, so we can get to over there, but ain't no way we're getting yonder. Gotta give it a good push, but it gets cold. Down hell only. Does the motor work? What motor? Ain't nobody got time for that. There's people on the board, on the committee. Speaking of boards, there's a cheese board coming around and I wouldn't suggest taking the yellow ones that's too dark because I ain't sure. The rest of them looks pretty good. Carry on. So do they have any coffee shops up in Bootstuck? We don't drink the coffee much up in the Bootstuck. Tell you why. Because of the cup of Joe. What happened was we had Joe, Joe McCurdy Kinsley Smith. He died and we had him cremated. And we put him in the cupboard. And one day, that guy got up and made himself a cup of coffee and he used old Joe. Cup of Joe means something different up here now. Especially a creamy Joe. Ain't nobody want a creamy Joe no more. Whoop, tell him about the gravy shop. You tell him about the gravy shop. Well, I thought you was going to. Okay, well, Jerry opened up the new gravy shop. Every morning, Jerry come down and say he want a cup of Joe. I said, Joe ain't here. And he'd look at me a lot funny, like with his eyes off to the side, up and down, something like that. Little bit. Then he whooped. Then he said, that's okay. I'll make my own. I didn't know what he was talking about. He didn't want no Joe. Made up himself a cup with a packet of Are you trying to tell me that you have gravy shops instead of coffee shops? That sounds like a terrible day. Think about that kind of day for a minute now. I wasn't raised in a biscuits and gravy environment. Do people... Drink coffee. In bootstuck then or no? What's that?
Unknown:Okay.
