Tape 17 - "The Secret Light Show and Dave Juggs"

The holiday spirit arrives in Bootstuck with all the confusion and homemade flair you’ve come to expect. Tape 17 crackles to life with a musical tribute to the humble jug—an instrument that can be played anywhere, anytime, and preferably without warning.

Meanwhile, townsfolk debate the ethics of inflatable lawn décor (giant possums included) and hatch plans for an unsanctioned Christmas light show featuring Caleb, an axe, and a concerning number of flashlights. Things only get weirder when Dave’s mysterious last name—Juggs? Pemberton?—becomes central to a baffling plan involving power, music, and perhaps emotional instability.

There's also a visit to the reopened local store (now seeing upwards of two customers a day!), a philosophical bank rant, a buried jar economy, and a prank involving a very unfortunate telescope.

It’s Christmas in Bootstuck. Bring your own flashlight. And maybe... duck.

www.bootstuck.com

Transcript

Unknown 0:00

SIRENS WAIL

Speaker 00 0:07

We've got another homemade instrument here for you. It's called the jug. And you know, one more beautiful thing about the jug is that you don't really have to have a jug in order to practice your jug playing. You can make that sound any place you might happen to be. It might be on your way to school or on your way to work or sitting at home listening to the radio or watching television. That's a great time to practice playing the jug.

Speaker 01 0:29

It's getting close to Christmas time and people are putting up their fancy dancing lights on top of their gutters.

Speaker 02 0:33

Now, we've never done Christmas bootstuck before, but we didn't know about it. Well, we should do that here in town. We should put up some lights, too.

Speaker 01 0:41

Actually, there's a secret light show planned for tomorrow night. You know about it?

Speaker 02 0:45

Well, you just told me. How?

Speaker 01 0:47

All right. We're going to tape a whole bunch of flashlights to Caleb.

Speaker 02 0:50

What?

Speaker 01 0:50

And he's going to go out there and swing the axe and chop up some wood and run around. So we're going to put a couple on his legs and a couple on his arms, and we're going to give a good old-fashioned light show in the woods. Don't tell nobody.

Speaker 02 1:01

We talked to council, and they are opposed to... to the inflatable type of Christmas ornamentation on the lawns. Have you seen those?

Speaker 01 1:13

Yep. Yep. Yep. Giant possums and things of the sort. I've seen

Speaker 02 1:17

them. Well, they're against it, and I kind of tend to agree. I don't like them.

Speaker 01 1:21

I like the possum with the carrot nose and the tall black cap all rolled up like he's swollen. I like that possum.

Speaker 02 1:27

Well, that's a snowman.

Unknown 1:28

Whoops.

Speaker 02 1:28

Sorry

Speaker 01 1:29

about that.

Speaker 02 1:31

I'm all confused now. I can't decide what it is we're going to do. Sorry. So my question to you is, what are we to do with the giant inflatable ornament from last year, which was half a reindeer, part of a sled. It was two of them. We stitched them together. And instead of Santa's sled, it's a 78 Chevette. Has that

Speaker 01 1:53

got a motor inside of it?

Speaker 02 1:54

It's a picture.

Speaker 01 1:55

Oh.

Speaker 02 1:55

Now.

Speaker 01 1:55

Well. Yeah.

Speaker 02 1:57

Do you want it?

Speaker 01 1:58

Oh, no. No.

Speaker 02 2:00

We want to do the Christmas. Well, his name is Power, and

Speaker 01 2:07

you're

Speaker 02 2:15

thinking that he can help us with the power?

Speaker 01 2:19

Well, I don't think that's

Speaker 02 2:21

going to work the way you hope.

Speaker 01 2:23

Think about it. What's Dave's name? Dave Chuggs. What's he good at? I'll do a playback from last year. Hold on. He plays the jugs real good, right? So, think about it.

Speaker 02 2:38

Well, that don't make no sense. What do you mean? You're just talking about regular Dave.

Speaker 01 2:42

Yeah, that's his last name. You didn't know? It's written right there on the wall. Dave Juggs was here.

Speaker 02 2:46

I think his last name's Pemberton.

Speaker 01 2:50

Oh.

Unknown 2:50

Whoops.

Speaker 01 2:51

I think that's his hobby.

Speaker 02 2:53

Anyway, I'm all confused now.

Speaker 01 2:54

I typically interrupt people before they finish their question. Go ahead. I tend

Speaker 02 2:58

to discredit people immediately who do it.

Speaker 01 3:01

That's okay. I don't have any credit anyway, so joke's on me. Well, I was going down to the bank yesterday. I asked them to make a whiff of draw, and they said, but you ain't got no money. And I said, well, I didn't know that I needed any because I thought you had it all. And apparently, I need to put money in before I can take it out. So I'm just going to keep it in the jars buried in the backyard. Because that seems easier.

Speaker 02 3:23

It's easier because the nearest bank to bootstuck is 60 miles away.

Speaker 01 3:29

Anywho, I'm saving up for something real now.

Speaker 02 3:32

How's the store?

Speaker 01 3:34

Oh, store doing okay. We opened our doors again. Every day we open our doors up and let people inside. Today, two people came inside. My God. Well, yeah, wasn't so many. It wasn't God either. A guy named Jared, he heard about us from a KLM flight. He's only taken one flight ever. On the board of the airplane, he heard about my fossils. Looked around, realized there wasn't anything in the store. And then he walked up. And now I still don't know what to do with my life.

Speaker 02 3:56

Well, that's a deep premise.

Speaker 01 3:57

No, it's too... An observation. I once went to an observation station, asking me to observe things. Look through this tiny hole and tell me what you see. And I said, I see things that aren't really there. Confusing.

Speaker 02 4:08

Bobby Joe Fred Johnson used to have a joke that he used to do to people. He used to pull out his becker and say, well, look in the hole and tell me what you see. And he'd piss me in the face. Oh, my goodness. I fall for that damn trick every time.

Speaker 01 4:19

Take a look at my telescope. Whoop! I'm going to make it rain. Well, that's a nice surprise. Not really.

Speaker 00 4:25

And for lower notes, make your lips get looser.

Unknown 4:29

Whoop!