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The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck is a documentary-style audio descent into a place that shouldn't exist—but very much insists that it does.
Once a forgotten military outpost in the depths of Northern Ontario, Bootstuck has taken on a life of its own. Discovered only through a pile of mislabeled cassette tapes at a Sudbury garage sale, the story of Bootstuck slowly unravels through scattered interviews, cryptic clues, and increasingly bizarre residents. The deeper you listen, the more you realize — this isn't just a town. It's a puzzle. And somewhere in that puzzle?
A plane crash that changed everything.
Somewhere between folklore, found audio, and fever dream, Bootstuck blurs the line between documentary and delusion—offering listeners a place to get lost in, over and over again.
The Unorganized Township of Bootstuck
Tape 20 - Fish Each, Friction Water & The King of Canada
The latest tape starts with caps. Specifically, hat inventory. Apparently, the King of Canada (real or dream-based, unclear) has advised the residents to prepare for winter with new ice scraper-equipped toques. From there, it veers.
There’s mention of a new goldfish-based restaurant called Fish Each—the name refers to a strict one-fish-per-person policy and modelled after Red Lobster or Red Monster as Hat Guy calls it.
Later, a moving truck that doesn’t move needs to be moved, which leads to a plan involving six people and a collection of wooden spools. Caleb is sent on a water run—literally. They believe the faster he runs, the warmer the water gets. Friction, they say. Science, they add. It’s difficult to follow.
There's a lot of discussion, some of it almost rational. By the end of the tape I'm desperate to speak to somebody who does not have a Wile E. Coyote grip on physics.
Also: diced pimentos in Coca-Cola. I don't know what Steven is listening to in the other room but it sounds like spliced together bits of old TV broadcasts from the 1940's era.
www.bootstuck.com
You've got to make sure that you've got a good selection of caps. Now, it's been a while since I talked to you about that. That's true. So, how many caps do you have currently on top of your head? I have one. It's a toque. It's a knit toque for the cold. That's a good one. The king wears that. Yep. The king of Canada wears a toque. He's got it on the money. The king of Canada wears a... The king of Canada, whatever his name is. Anyway... King Canada, he says to me, go out and get yourself some new ice scrapers, because winter will be coming. So I got one cap with an ice scraper on the front. So think about that. You were talking to King Canada? Yeah, I talk to him all the time. Comes to me in my dreams and tells me wonderful things. Quite cold, but mostly nice. There's small people who talk softly. They all have dogs. That sounds like a beautiful place. We've got a goldfish restaurant now. That's coming down. It's coming in. And they're going to do all sorts of things where you can have goldfish on a platter. You can put it in a bowl. It's kind of like a monster restaurant. You ever know that red monster restaurant and they sell the snap, snap, snappers? You go and get one of them, and you say, I want that one. Whoop! Yeah, you know it, right? You mean red lobster? Or the crabs. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. Like that. Yep. Whoop! Get them. Snap, snap, snap. Watch out. Snap. Oh, my God. So you can come on in and look inside the aquarium, tap on the glass a little bit, like that, and see which one comes to you, and then you can eat him. Snap. You'd have to eat quite a few goldfish to make it a meal. I'm not trying to give things away here. If I had to give somebody ten fish, who am I going to feed for the next nine people? Think about now. One fish per person is a fish each. Maybe we'll call it fish each. Fish each. Fish each. You come in and get one goldfish. Yep. Yep. Fish each. Fish each. Like that. You can pick the one you like best. Get a big belly one. Maybe you'll have babies. I don't even know what to say. I would like to tell you another story about something different. We got a moving truck coming tomorrow. Really, truck? A lot of people coming in and out of the bootstuck these days, is there? No, no. We're just going to move the truck around. Right now, it's in front of Dave's house. Ain't no tires on it, so it's going to take all six of us to move it. So we're getting the spools that Dave got to bring the car down here in the first place, and we're going to put it on the spools and move it about over there. Then when it's over there, it'll be there for a little while, and everybody won't see it. You have a very unique way of spending your time in bootstrap. I have to credit you. You're the busiest people accomplishing very little. A little bit, yeah. A lot of work. Here's a great new idea. Steven. Diced pimentos in a Coca-Cola. STEVEN! And for that crowning touch, David and Ricky. And mmm, are they good. We're running water now so we can keep our hands clean. It's okay. It's okay. Sorry, you have what? Running water now. You have running water now? Yep. You want some? Caleb! Come on! Run me up some water. Caleb's going to go down to the creek. He'll be up there. It's about a 15-minute hike. But once he's at the creek, he's going to bring the water back. It takes him about 25 minutes to bring it back. So if you want some tea tomorrow, you tell him today. So why not call it hiking water? Well, because we tell him to run with it because we like to make sure that when he runs, it jiggles. And when it jiggles, there's this fancy thing that happens from science. It warms the water for you. It's called friction. And that makes heat and fire. We like him to bring that water back fire hot. So you believe that by running, the water will heat itself with friction. Has this worked before? Science, my friend. Yeah, the science is a fact. So think about outer space. Do you know that's there? Think about it. It's there, right? Science. It sure is. That's science. Mostly science. Yeah. And gas. Mostly gas. There's a lot of mysteries in the universe and that solves two of them. Let's just see what Wednesday brings. Wait, what's today?
