TAPE 49 - Chamomile, Chloroform, and the Big Word Board

The documenteur once again attempts to establish a thread of logic in Bootstuck, only to be derailed immediately by talk of sleep aids — ranging from chamomile tea to the rather more concerning chloroform and carbon monoxide. Dave, it seems, has been missing for six weeks, but nobody’s alarmed; apparently, he was just “sleeping under a tree."

When pressed about education in Bootstuck, the locals reveal their belief that everyone simply “comes with the knowledge,” meaning there are no schools, just an ever-growing pool of collective half-knowledge. The documenteur, visibly exasperated, tries to pivot toward nighttime — only to be informed that Bootstuck “gets night at nighttime, when it’s most popular.”

As if things weren’t disorienting enough, the tape ends with an abrupt advertisement for “Fizz” — a fizzy drink available in flavors like “black and white” and “bird’s eye” — leaving both the documenteur and the listener wondering whether they’ve stumbled into Bootstuck’s commercial break or its collective hallucination.

www.bootstuck.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

We've got something on the Mega in the status queers.

SPEAKER_02 0:15

I think it's because of Yep. Oh, speaking of propane, we've been using a lot of new things around here to get sleepy. Woo! Things like chamomile, chamomile, chamomole.

SPEAKER_01 0:28

The tea the tea, yeah, the chamomile tea.

SPEAKER_02 0:30

I think it's all because of protons. We also like to use carbon monoxide. That seems to get people white relaxed quite fast. Chloroform seems to work fine. Go to sleep. I had a meeting once, didn't know what cap to wear. Ever tell you about that time?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

You've t you've told me many uh hat stories, for sure.

SPEAKER_02 0:47

Yep, I've got some stories that don't have hats in it. You want one?

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Uh I would love that, actually.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Sure, I'll fold it up and send it in a period in a pigeon. He'll get it over to you at some point.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Uh moving on.

SPEAKER_02 0:58

Sometimes I put my hand in the jar to pick out a few more words, like this one. Turn up. Never thought I'd say that.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Turnip?

SPEAKER_02 1:05

Yep, now. Turn up. Yep. I got a question about the turnip. Is that somebody that comes out from the car? They turn up, turnip. Or is that something that grows in the ground and grows up? Hey, oy, oi, oi. Okay, Dave turned up last night. We hadn't seen him in six weeks.

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Is that right? Yeah. Six weeks. Where was he?

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Oh, chloroform.

SPEAKER_01 1:35

Chloroform.

SPEAKER_02 1:35

Yeah, he was tired. He had a nap under the tree, saw logs. Well, Caleb's cobbled. And Dave just left.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

You realize that's dangerous, of course.

SPEAKER_02 1:44

Song, logs while you sleep.

unknown 1:47

Woohoo!

SPEAKER_02 1:49

Yep, that's why Caleb was in first.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

I'll be honest, you you tell me a lot of stories about where you are, and I I don't get the impression that it's very safe.

SPEAKER_02 1:57

Thank you very much. What do you mean? Oh my god. You should think about it before you speak. Sometimes I think about things before I speak. But a week in advance, I was gonna talk about the whole movie that we're gonna have, and we thought we were gonna implement pop points. Cross it off the board, I use the implement word.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Oh, is this the board of big words that you have?

SPEAKER_02 2:17

We have it. Yeah, we keep putting up words of big words on the board, big word board. And then when we use one, cross it off the board. The big word board.

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Well, do they have any kind of education there?

SPEAKER_02 2:29

Yeah. No, well, sorry. Yeah. What do you want to know?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

How are people educated in Bootstock?

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Yeah, they come with the knowledge.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

They come with the know so there's no schools, there's no classroom.

SPEAKER_02 2:42

Well, think about it. Do you do you know everything you know?

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Well, of course I know everything that I know.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Same here. We all know everything we know, and altogether we know everything that each other knows. Think about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:54

Introducing new knowledge is not exactly priority number one. When was the last time you had a new person?

SPEAKER_02 3:05

Caleb was the last one to come. He came two years ago, and he's been cutting wood, chopping wood, stacking wood ever since. He's also in charge of the roller coaster, the snowmobile operation, and the cheap tip.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

And he doesn't talk.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

Unsure, really.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Has he ever spoken?

SPEAKER_02 3:20

No.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

Well then he doesn't speak the okay. We're moving on. You've completely derailed my train of thought.

SPEAKER_02 3:27

You get nighttime?

SPEAKER_01 3:29

Uh do I get nighttime?

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Well, of course we do.

SPEAKER_02 3:33

Well, you get it all day or just sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

We get night at nighttime. That's when it's most popular.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

All right. Well, I guess you gotta go with the consent. Okay. Close your eyes. On your eyeballs with your knuckles. And then you're gonna see all sorts of stars.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

I got nothing.

SPEAKER_02 3:52

That's okay. I got ice cream. Ice cream!

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Excuse me, madam, but have you ever tried fizz? Oh, yes, I was the first on my block. It was delicious. And Fizz comes in your two favorite flavors, black and white and bird's eye. Oh, yes, I remembered. Uh how often do you burst? Well, not too often. It's kind of expensive.