TAPE 72 - "Nonprofits, No Profits, and the Quick Witch”

A simple attempt to discuss “ideas that make sense” quickly collapses into a Bootstuck philosophy: if it doesn’t make money, why bother making sense at all? This sparks a wildly misguided dive into nonprofits (or “no profits”), leading to a charity built entirely around collecting scrap metal… somehow resulting in wheelchairs, though no one is quite sure how—or for whom. As logic continues to unravel, the conversation veers into government relations (limited to a mysterious “King of Canada”), homemade ocean hockey using frozen moose poop, and finally, a high-speed experiment in aviation involving a leaf blower, a broomstick, and a man named Caleb. By the end, Caleb has launched himself into the sky as a “quick witch” and vanished, prompting Bootstuck’s most casual search party yet—complete with drinks, clapping, and very low expectations of success.

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Transcript

I wanted to talk to you about something that I didn't understand fully, but when I have an idea, and I said, Does that make sense?

And people says, yes, I still don't get paid.

So I think I'm gonna get rid of all the senseful ideas and only go for the dollar makers.

Yeah.

You tell me if that makes sense to you.

All right, .

So I just keep going on and on until somebody cuts me off.

Yeah, like this.

So, now, I was still talking...

So, you, sorry.

Go ahead.

Right.

So you were mentioning something before about starting an NGO.

NGO, an NPO, a nonprofit.

I just fell when you're only using a couple of letters.

We have a lot of charities in town.

We have a charity where we collect little pieces of metal.

You ever do that?

And then we'll put them in a bucket, and then when they get enough full in the bucket, the man comes, takes all those tiny little pieces of metal, and, whoop, wheelchair, and I don't know where they get the seat from.

We don't give them anything but metal.

Hard to get around in the wheelchair and good stuff.

Well, we don't use wheelchairs. For the charity.

They're looking for wheelchairs for people who doesn't have any.

We doesn't have any, but her name isn't on the list to get one.

If it was, I just keep all the metal and we'd make our own.

Actually, Taelon, start a 2nd bucket.

Smaller bucket.

Don't take from the charity.

Okay.

Does anybody need a wheelchair in good stock?

Oh, no.

If we're gonna do, we don't share raisin.

I think we all need them.

It won't be fine if somebody had an electric one because we ain't got nowhere to plug it into.

So that'll probably be the slowest one.

So whoever thinks their smartest is probably not.

So I'm just going to get one with 2 wheels.

That'll probably go faster. Less resistant.

That's a new one.

Sorry about that.

We don't really talk to the government very much.

The guy, the guy calls with the dupe, king of Canada.

He calls sometimes, but he hasn't called since the last hockey game.

I think he's upset.

What was the last hockey game you saw and bootstuck?

Oh, boots stuck.

We get it all going all the time.

Little skinny, shinny happening on the ice rink that we made in the ocean.

Now what we're doing is we freeze it over.

Freeze it over, but you always keep it shallow, shallow ocean about 2 feet deep.

Shallow.

Then what happens is wintertime comes like now.

Freeze it up.

You gotta shovel it off.

And then after you do that, you're able to go skinny, shitty, half kitty, skating all around and play with a little moose poop.

We ain't got a hockey pot.

You ever get a moose poop up near you?

Whoo!

And flatten it.

Little bit more.

Yeah.

Like that.

Put it down?

Yeah, I'm gonna make you one too.

Hold on.

Little bit more.

Oh, like that.

It's disgusting.

Woo!

Put it in the freezer We have a couple of businesses that don't make any money if that's what you're talking about, no profits.

Yeah, we could do that for you.

I heard a motor in the background, just, is there somebody racing something behind you?

Yeah, well, I don't know if he's raising that.

Hold on, let me check.

No, it's not there right now.

Oh, there it goes.

Yeah.

It's a little flying machine we have.

Yeah.

You have an airport?

Definitely a flying machine.

No, no, no.

Well, we do at the airport, huh?

You ever see at least flower?

Oh, that's not seeing it.

That hearing it.

A lease flower goes real loud real fast, and if you put that on a broomstick, and you dope up from trees, you can kind of do like a quick witch.

Woo, fly around like a quick witch.

Caleb's all that thing.

He's building another one for his buddy Squirrely.

Did I tell you about him?

No, Caleb had a friend from long ago.

He's going to do all sorts of things with Caleb this spring because Caleb's arms are getting way too big for everybody else to look at.

Uh, quick witch.

Well there he goes.

How high does he get?

Oh, it depends on how much purple cush he has.

Make him go high.

I want to see him go or hear him.

Caleb, go to the white pine.

No, the white pine.

Did you see him?

No, I don't see them.

Search party.

Whoo!

Alright, we're gonna have a party tonight.

Yeah, we're all gonna get together, clap our hands, have a couple of drinks, and then go look for Caleb.

And he came out of overhaul and halfway down the yard.

Crazy. 


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